When it Comes to Marriage, Love Ain't Shit

Tina Turner was on to something when she said, “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” Because when it comes to marriage, not much. Don’t get me wrong, love is cute. It makes for great Instagram captions and wedding vows. But when the honeymoon fades and real life shows up with its messy, demanding, unpredictable self, love alone ain’t enough.

I’m not a marriage expert, but I am married—and here’s what I’ve learned: At the end of the day, love is nice, but it’s respect, trust, shared laughter, and genuinely liking your partner that keep it alive.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t romanticize marriage before stepping into it. I grew up watching my parents share 50 beautiful years together. Well, almost 50—my dad passed away just five months shy of their golden anniversary. They weren’t perfect, but to me, they were close. They laughed every day—real, deep belly laughs that filled our home. They supported each other through life’s chaos with a love that seemed effortless, even though I know now it wasn’t. I wanted that—not just the love, but the friendship that held it all together.

I wanted a friendship that offered:

1) respect to ensure you treat each other with kindness, instead of cussing each other out when an argument flares up;

2) trust that creates a safe space where vulnerability is met with understanding; and

3) laughter to keep things light when life feels heavy.

And liking your partner? Nobody talks about liking your spouse enough. Yes, I love my husband, but more importantly, I LIKE him! People treat marriage like it’s all about passion and grand gestures. But passion won’t matter when your partner clips their toenails in the living room. Liking them means you can still roll your eyes and laugh instead of adding that to your “Reasons for a divorce” checklist.

Marriage is work—not in the “we fight all the time” way, but in the figuring out how to be adults together way. It’s learning to live with someone else’s quirks and navigating different needs, moods, and dreams—sometimes all in one day. It’s a choice—a deliberate, conscious decision to show up and keep building something together.

So, yeah, love is a supporting actor, not the star. Respect keeps things steady; trust keeps things secure; laughter keeps things light, and liking your partner keeps things fun. Because when the fairy tale fades, you need someone you can not only love but actually stand and enjoy spending time with—that’s what makes coming home feel like coming home.

XO,

BH